I remember the day I first met my neighbor. As I strolled down the street, she greeted me with a warm smile, and we struck up a conversation. Little did I know that this chance encounter would blossom into a close friendship. Her family had been a part of the neighborhood for quite some time, and soon enough, our families became intertwined. We spent holidays together, enjoyed summer cookouts, navigated Halloween corn mazes, and even attended concerts as a group.
Despite our growing friendship, I couldn’t help but notice certain aspects of my friend’s family life. She attended all her children’s school events, handled the household duties, and developed close relationships with her children. On weekends, the kids were often seen playing outside, while she dedicated her time to tending the yard. It was rare to see their father spending quality time with his children; usually, he would be sitting in a chair, quietly sipping his morning coffee. Despite having a flexible schedule, he still rarely spent time with his kids.
In hindsight, there were signs, red flags that we overlooked.
It wasn’t until the day my friend came to me in tears that I realized the extent of the situation. She confided in me that she was contemplating divorce for the well-being of her children. The strain had become too much for her to bear, and she knew that drastic changes needed to be made for the sake of her family.
The journey of my friend’s family through a painful divorce has had a significant impact. The father’s absence during the children’s upbringing has created a divide that is now widening due to his actions during the divorce proceedings. Growing up, the children never had a chance to form a strong bond with their father. His lack of involvement and seeming inability to parent effectively has left them feeling abandoned and resentful. As they navigate adolescence, they are confronted with the reality that their father is not the supportive figure they had hoped for.
The father’s behavior during the divorce is driving a further wedge between him and his children. Instead of prioritizing their well-being and working to rebuild their relationship, he is making choices that only serve to distance them. It is evident that he is struggling to cope with the situation and is unwilling to seek help or guidance.
In contrast, my friend has risen admirably to the challenge. Despite not having worked outside the home for years, she has found a job and is providing for her children. With the support of friends and loved ones, she is creating a stable environment for her children and placing their needs above all else.
Observing my friend and her family’s struggle is heartbreaking. The children are grappling with complex emotions, mourning the loss of the family unit they once knew, while also facing the uncertainty of the future. Despite their resilience, it is clear they are deeply affected by the divorce and the strained relationship with their father.
Being there for this family means understanding the pain they’re going through, supporting the children, and recognizing my friend’s hard work and the efforts of others who are helping care for and protect the children. It also means praying for the father to become the father these kids need.
These children long for a caring father who gives them attention, seeks to understand them, and is kind to their mother. Parenting requires work, effort, and time; it’s an ongoing process. We all make mistakes, but it’s important to own them, learn from them, and move forward. Allowing our kids to see us, as parents, admit to mistakes and that we are continuing to learn and grow as well is crucial in establishing an honest, trusting relationship.
Bearing witness to a family navigating divorce is a deeply emotional experience. It’s especially challenging when one parent, who was hardly present during the marriage, suddenly becomes a disruptive force in the divorce process. It’s difficult to comprehend why someone would choose to make an already painful situation even more challenging for their children and ex-spouse. Seeing the impact of this behavior on the family is a stark reminder of the heartaches that come with divorce.
As the family moves forward, I hope they are able to find healing and peace. I hope the father can come to terms with his role in the family’s breakdown and take steps to repair his relationship with his children. And I hope the children, despite their pain, can find strength in each other and in the love and support of those around them.
Being present is not always easy. It requires us to confront uncomfortable truths and acknowledge our own privilege and complicity. However, it is a necessary act if we are to create a more just and compassionate world. By being present for the experiences of others, we honor their stories and commit to building a more inclusive and empathetic society.
Tina Huey is a mom of two fantastic kids and wife of her hero, who also happens to be an incredible dad and husband. She is an avid reader, and a life long learner. She enjoys exercising. She loves to laugh—to find the ridiculous in adversity. She is passionate about life and living it to the fullest, being the best version of herself, and helping others in a positive way so we can all make this world a better place.
Learning to be a parent usually includes modeling what one has observed growing up … active classes on parenting are not required in education, public or private … there may need to be some cultural shifts on this to improve family unity/ life/ skillful parenting … do divorce judges have leeway to require classes/ counseling in parenting during and after divorce?